A Peaceful Evening, Sort Of

Found ourselves at Rozita & Fuad's this evening where we polished off a number of puffs, curry & mushroom, and all sorts of bits & pieces from Subway. Also watched a movie entitled 21 Bridges and rather wished I hadn't. Lots of people shooting and getting shot for no good reason I could fathom. 

Heartfelt

I'm not quite sure why, but for some reason I didn't play Dylan's Christmas in the Heart this time last year. Decided to reinstate the annual tradition today, and was very glad I did so. Wonderful arrangements, stellar playing and that voice. Playful and sincere - enabling me to reconnect with the mythical Christmases of early childhood for at least forty minutes or so.

Also discovered two videos from the album - the bonkers (in a good way) Must Be Santa and the straightforwardly gorgeous Little Drummer Boy. I suppose these are the stand-out tracks, but it struck me today that it's a wonderfully sequenced album in which every song holds its own. In fact, strange as this might sound, I'd put it in my top ten albums from His Bobness.

Poorly

I seem to be experiencing some kind of reaction to Tuesday's vaccination jab. Woke in the early morning with the kind of headache that suggested I hadn't slept at all and things have gone downhill since. Now sniffling and coughing and aching and almost shaking and feeling, ironically, a lot worse than when I actually came down with Covid last year, late in December. Managed to get to Friday Prayers and did a bit of admin in school, but haven't been genuinely functional since 4.15 pm.

Noi is managing to put up with my moaning, heroically so. I don't like to complain when I'm not well, but am spectacularly good at doing so if I have a sympathetic audience.

A Voice, Silenced

Took my copy of Talking Turkeys off the shelf upon hearing of the death of its author, Benjamin Zephaniah, this evening. Possibly my favourite book of poems for kids. It's the general sense of warmth and generosity of spirit that makes it irresistible - in addition, of course, to the cleverly crafted poems within that speak in such a beguiling voice. Felt sad over the idea of the writer being silenced, and at such a relatively young age, but also some consolation in the certainty that he will continue to be heard and read.

Lost, Again

Why would anyone spend a great deal of time and energy, and some little talent, making a video about all the terrible movies they've watched this year? And why would anyone, except for a complete fool like myself, waste fifty minutes of precious time watching it?

Sometimes I'm a mystery to myself. Except that I know the answer to the puzzle and am just too lazy to do anything about it.

Jabbed

Noi and I went for round five of our jabs for (or against) covid this afternoon. It's been a year since we tested positive and felt the ill-effects of the virus, so the timing seemed right.

And how different it all was since I originally got the vaccine, early in 2021. At that time it all felt very intense; this afternoon seemed routinely casual. We've lived through strange times of late - with a large share of luck. Though I suppose it's reasonable to claim that all times are strange in their way, and the ultimate in luck is being around to experience them.

In Debt

We enjoyed the company of Tom and Rita this afternoon, the first chance we've had to chat with the two of them in a long time. Had to tell the story of my breakdown last year, which I've managed to edit down to what seemed a reasonable length, though Tom was understandably looking sleepy at the three-quarters mark.

It's interesting how I continue to make my own discoveries in the retelling. Today I was struck with considerable force by the certainty that my sudden recovery of the self had nothing to do with any kind of resilience on my part. It was so obvious that it was the care & expertise of the medical staff at NUH aided & abetted by the care & consideration of Noi plus various friends and family that pulled me out of The Delirium. I was entirely passive and entirely despairing. The lack of agency on my part was central to the nature of the experience.

What I will give myself a little credit for is getting on with things once I'd come back, but that was the easy, almost inevitable, part. 

Not Connecting

Not sure why but I'm experiencing one of those periods in which I just don't seem able to connect with anything I read. I'm struggling with the poems in the History segment of Lowell's Collected Poems and struggling to read the three periodicals that have been waiting for my attention since May. I took these with me to Rome & Amsterdam back in June and made no progress then, but that was partly because I had some novels with me to read. Now there's no excuse.

I did manage to finish the February issue of the NYRB yesterday, but didn't find anything of value in any of the articles, nothing that got me even mildly excited. And just now I gave up on a couple of articles in the issue of Philosophy Now from the same period as my brain kept wandering.

I'm not intending to give up on this stuff. But I'm not quite sure what good it's doing me.

Nothing Left

Got to the gym today after something of a pause caused by our socialising ahead of Noi's birthday - yesterday evening having turned happily into a bit of a family do. Expected I'd be in good form given the fact I'd rested well since Tuesday's session, and eaten plentifully. In the event I had nothing left for the last 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer despite peddling a lot slower than usual. Very disappointing.

But now back with the birthday girl, quietly enjoying the last of the bits and pieces she's been cooking up over recent days. So all is well, despite the fact it isn't.

For Sure

Spent a long time at the bank this afternoon making changes to the details of an account I hold there. At the time I came to live over here I needed to make quite a few arrangements closing accounts in the UK and opening them in this Far Place, but I can't remember things taking as long as they do now. This leads me to the conclusion that Modern Life Is Rubbish. Of course, I've stated this before, but now it's definite.

Mind you, the young lady we were dealing with was incredibly patient and guided us through all the excruciatingly tedious documentation such as to considerably diminish the pain involved. Somehow I doubt that she was getting paid as much as she deserved, but I hope I'm wrong on that front.