We enjoyed the company of Tom and Rita this afternoon, the first chance we've had to chat with the two of them in a long time. Had to tell the story of my breakdown last year, which I've managed to edit down to what seemed a reasonable length, though Tom was understandably looking sleepy at the three-quarters mark.
It's interesting how I continue to make my own discoveries in the retelling. Today I was struck with considerable force by the certainty that my sudden recovery of the self had nothing to do with any kind of resilience on my part. It was so obvious that it was the care & expertise of the medical staff at NUH aided & abetted by the care & consideration of Noi plus various friends and family that pulled me out of The Delirium. I was entirely passive and entirely despairing. The lack of agency on my part was central to the nature of the experience.
What I will give myself a little credit for is getting on with things once I'd come back, but that was the easy, almost inevitable, part.
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