Around 8.20 this morning I found I really, really, really had to have a cup of tea in the school's SAC. By 8.25 the yearning had gone, leaving hardly a trace. The memory of it remained, but that's not the same thing as the feeling itself. I think I know what gave rise to the sudden onset of this desire. For the first time this week I'd found myself at work with a half hour genuinely to spare - no urgent task pressing upon me - and that's the time to enjoy a zen-like moment over the cup that cheers. Except I couldn't. This is the sort of thing that can happen in fasting month, which means life always has the potential to be interesting.
Actually this was by no means the worst manifestation of the monkey mind. So far I've not had any of those awful moments when I think I'm genuinely entitled to a drink and I'm almost on my way to get one when realisation dawns. I've got a feeling there may be one or two of those next week before I ascend to full control of the fast - at the point when new habits and expectations have driven out the old.
Thinking back on my little flurry of illicit desire I take note of two things. The first is that in the light of the relative ease with which I mastered the feeling, I'm brought to realise how trivial, strangely fragile, so many of my yearnings are. The second involves recognition of what a wonderful thing drinking a cup of tea in SAC is.
Now if I could just hold those thoughts in some kind of balance I can imagine the onset of a variety of wisdom.
No comments:
Post a Comment