As far as I can remember when I was around forty years of age I felt I had a pretty good understanding of the world. A bit of an insider in some ways. Most ways, indeed. In contrast, increasingly these days I feel like an outsider. Like someone who doesn't quite get the joke. Someone off the wavelength.
I suppose I should be bothered by this. But the mild paradox of the situation is that I quite enjoy not really knowing what's going on, not knowing the answer, being unable to solve the puzzle. In a quiet way I'm stepping out of the machine.
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