Stretching Out

18 Ramadhan 1435

What a day! Incredibly tough! Just when I thought I'd got the whole fasting hoo-haw reasonably under control a day comes along to remind me that there's no end to the illumination of weakness the experience provides. It shines a remorselessly penetrating light.

So what happened? Well, nothing too extraordinary. It was simply that this had always looked like it had the potential to be a challenging day in terms of wrestling with the Toad, work and it certainly proved such. Although I didn't have anything very definite to do in terms of scheduled work until the early afternoon there were lots of tasks that needed to be done and attended to, and I found myself mildly panicking as I completed each one as it reminded me of the pressing deadlines that were attached to it down the line, as it were. And then there was a scheduled awkward meeting to negotiate regarding marking issues followed by pressing drama business occupying the late afternoon. The day seemed to take on a kind of unrelenting quality, and I found myself really, really, really wanting, yearning for something to drink to sort of calm myself down. For the first time in years, possibly ever, I found myself thinking I wish I didn't have to do this.

But I did do it, and, of course, it wasn't too bad in the end - helped along considerably by a fruitful session with my drama guys.

Now consider: what must it be like for those fasting in genuinely trying circumstances? Folks in Gaza and Syria to name but two places in which I'm deeply glad I'm not resident. Actually I asked myself this useful question (prompted by an observation old friend and wise sage Tony Green made to me the other day in a phone conversation) just at the point when my sense of panic was becoming too, too silly and the answer, of course, worried me but was strangely calming in the sense of proportion it engendered.

I've got a feeling this isn't going to be the last day like this in this holy month - and worrying as that thought may be, it's also a strangely welcome one.