14.35
From the outside struggle can look quite attractive in an ennobling sort of way. This is very handy because when you're actually doing the struggling it doesn't feel in the slightest bit noble. It feels petty, well for me anyway. But that's because I am petty I'm afraid. Yes, the low-level irritation I experience brought on by the mildest of deprivation is so revealing of my essential self that it's embarrassing. Which is part of the point of the experience.
15.25
I've been doing a bit of marking today. A good way of keeping up with the reality of the demands of life even as other, higher, demands are made upon one. A good way it may be, but it's also tough, and wearing, and has added to that awful grouchy sense of irritation I'm trying to lift myself out of. Now thinking about popping into school for a reunion tea being held for the class of 2008. Actually the school has been generous enough to let me miss this, it being the first day of fasting, and I did wonder whether I would be fit enough to go. But I think I am, so I'll be off soon.
18.31
The end is in sight, for today anyway, and I'm back clearing some marking and trying not to be irritated over trifles. I think I'm winning, but it's a close call. The great mercy is that there is no sign of any kind of headache and I just hope it stays that way for the rest of the month.
19.50
Two cups of tea, a glass of water, three dates, two small slices of watermelon and a bowl of sweet longan and the world is a wonderful place. Deprivation, even at its mildest, teaches us how precious the simple gifts of the world are.
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