Testing Times

9 Ramadhan, 1446

After an enjoyably relaxing weekend with no deadlines in sight, today felt very different. Very long. A bit of a test. I recall checking the time around 10.45 am and thinking it really should be later in the day, but it wasn't. And the day took its time reaching the magic 7.20 pm, since when it has decided to speed up.

But it's a funny thing about such difficult days in Fasting Month. They remind you of what it's about. Without the struggle there would be no point. Restraint is a hard won virtue. But it makes itself available to the unlikeliest subjects.

A New Routine

8 Ramadhan, 1446

Glancing through some of my posts from this time last year I realised that I'd managed to get in some sessions at the gym ahead of breaking the fast, to no ill effect. Funnily enough I couldn't recall what that felt like in reality, but decided to give it a go today and see if it was a viable option for this year's Ramadhan.

It was a bit tough, let me tell you, but I managed. I set out to see if a full 60 minute stint on the elliptical trainer was possible, and up to the half hour mark I wouldn't have ruled it out. But 10 minutes later it was obvious I was struggling big-time to keep the wheels turning at anything like a reasonable rate, so I was happy to conclude proceedings after 50 minutes. Mind you, I followed this with my full routine on the weights without too much of a struggle, so the experiment turned out a success in my eyes. Now I'm keen to check my day-to-day diary from last year to see exactly how long I lasted then.

Actually breaking the fast after all this came as a considerable relief, but a pleasant one, so I'll be replaying the routine sometime soon.

Crashing And Communing

7 Ramadhan, 1446

The Missus saw fit to comment earlier in the day that I seemed very weak, and she was not wrong. I found it difficult to stay awake from the moment I got out of bed. I'd intended to get a good deal of reading done and some focused listening to sweet sounds, but spent a good deal of time dozing. Happily, enough. But lazily so in retrospect.

It was a good thing, then, that we'd arranged a meet-up with the gang at Woodlands to break the fast. The evening turned out suitably lively, in some part making up for the lack of direction of the rest of the day. And now I'm making ready for bed, intending to do a bit of reading to make up for the lack thereof during the hours of daylight.

I'm pretty sure, by the way, that I'll sleep well. My body is telling me I very much needed to catch-up on the zzzzzs, a sign that the day has not exactly been wasted after all.

Illuminations

6 Ramadhan, 1446

Whilst I've been galloping through his Muhammad For Beginners, my progress through Ziauddin Sardar's Reading the Qur'an: The Contemporary Relevance of the Sacred Text of Islam has been a good deal more leisurely and even more rewarding. When I first read it, probably a decade ago at a guess, I found myself very much in agreement with its basic positions on quite a few issues. But I didn't then grasp quite how deeply illuminating Sardar's analysis of the faith is. On this reading I find myself gripped by the explanatory power of his readings, and the precision of detail involved.

In his reading of the opening passage of Sura Al-Baqara, for example, his observation on what he terms the distributive nature of the Islamic worldview, in relation to the phrase spend of what We have provided them and the subsequent reference to prospering captures the essence of what the sacred text brings us to understand of a healthy relationship with money. The notion of a sense of generosity being central to the genuine prosperity of a person or nation is deeply sane, yet undercuts entirely the shabby paradigms concerning wealth that imprison us.

Just Beginning

5 Ramadhan, 1446

The first ten or so days of the Fasting Month seem to follow a similar trajectory for me every year. This takes the shape of something of a journey inwards, examining foundations. A kind of back-to-basics refreshment. Re-learning what I already know.

This year I've been re-reading Muhammad (peace be upon him) For Beginners in the Icon Books series (as pictured above.). It's one of those basic guides to a thinker or school of thought or conceptual notion, blending text and visual image in a sort of populist, cartoon-like style. I like this kind of text anyway, but Ziauddin Sardar and Zafar Abbas Malik's book seems to me a stone-cold classic of the genre. It's genuinely informative and visually highly engaging in what I can only describe as an Islamic fashion. And it contrives to be energetically humorous as well as deeply serious.

I suppose there's an element of comfort-reading involved here, but it's proving a valuable companion as I ease my way forward. 

A Small Surprise

4 Ramadhan, 1446

Surprised myself at the gym after breaking the fast. I'd intended to limit myself to 50 minutes, or less if feeling iffy, on the elliptical trainer, but easily managed a full 60 minutes. And I could happily have gone on to complete my usual full routine on the weights but cut this short due solely to time constraints and needing to get back for dinner and further prayers. I didn't expect to feel quite so 'normal' after just 3 days of fasting but am quietly celebrating the fact that this is the case.

Not over-celebrating though. I'm used to the struggle suddenly and unexpectedly becoming more difficult, more taxing. That's the point. of course. This isn't meant to be easy. But it's meant to be do-able, and quietly revelatory. And it works.

In The Slow Lane

3 Ramadhan, 1446

I'm still in slow time - experiencing feelings of being suspended between moments. Difficult to believe it's still only Tuesday when it feels like a week has gone by. Counter-intuitive. But then everything about Fasting Month is.

Slowing Down

2 Ramadhan, 1446

16.00

Feeling okay. No obvious headache. But it has felt like a long day. And it is by no means over. Just looking for the energy to keep going.

19.11

Literally counting down to buka, which is more than a bit childish. Why does time slow down in these circumstances and to whom can I complain about this?

22.07

No complaints at all from me now. The super-delicious rice porridge (our customary dish at the start of Ramadhan) has been consumed (along with a couple of curry puffs, some dates & lashings of teh tarik) and life is officially good. Very good, indeed.

Starting Over

1 Ramadhan, 1446

12.46

An okay day so far, but too early to tell. Nice not to be at work, but have been getting a fair amount of work done. No choice really.

14.25

Now sitting at my desk at work. Popped over to get a couple of tasks done. Discovered it's very hot outside just walking across here and spared a thought or two or three for my brothers & sisters in Islam working outside and fasting in these conditions. Quietly heroic. Certainly stops me moaning overmuch.

17.35

Back at the ranch with a bit of a headache, but nothing serious. Hurts a bit more when I'm lying down doing nothing, so am attempting to stay upright doing something.

20.00

Even a power outage just 10 minutes ahead of the breaking of the fast could not dim my mild sense of euphoria on taking that first sip of water and munching on that date. Quite a gift. Hope all observing the fast felt something of the same - and Selamat Berpuasa to all!

Happily Recovering

There's only one good thing I can think of at the moment about being poorly and in pain. Once the recovery begins it feels good. And that's what has brightened my day quite considerably, thank you.

It seems absurd to talk about the pain from a swelling on a small toe being debilitating. But it was. I don't mean this was true from the start. After all, the problem has been around for some three weeks and most of the time it was easy to ignore. However, from around Monday of this week it manifested as more than merely irritating, and by late on Thursday I think you might apply the description close to agonising for the worst moments, when the swelling was distinctly rubbing into the adjoining big toe.

So to feel some relief on going to bed after taking the first pill in the anti-biotic course was extremely welcome. And then, on waking, I was aware that although my body in general terms felt stretched & achy my right foot wasn't burning at all. Actually, I was a bit puzzled as to why I felt generally uncomfortably fragile since Friday hadn't been such a hard day work-wise, but I've come to the conclusion that in protecting myself from the pain I was not really moving easily and this left me with a sense of having pushing my aging body a bit too far. I also felt a mild headache on getting out of bed and for the first hour assumed I would have to treat myself to a very lazy day just to get back to feeling normal.

In the event, however, and somewhat to my surprise, the day has proved fairly productive so far. I found myself able to both get on with some marking and finish Schama's Citizens, which I'd been hoping to do ahead of the Fasting Month (which gets underway tomorrow, of course.) Plus, I managed to get to the gym after all, which seemed an impossibility at this time yesterday. The swelling which had been so ferociously uncomfortable has now distinctly reduced in scope and whatever pain there is doesn't rise to deserving the idea of being genuinely painful. I doubt very much I'll be needing to get myself to the hospital in the near future as the doctor seemed to think might be necessary.

Hoping also to finish Conan Doyle's The Valley of Fear this evening so as to leave the field clear for my reading for the Holy Month with no secular stuff left hanging, as it were.